• broken image

    Being an asshole is a valuable life skill.

    What we mean by 'being an asshole' is a willingness to be disliked and/or to upset other people for a Conscious Purpose, or perhaps as an Experiment.

    As we will see, sometimes 'hurting someone’s feelings' (meaning that someone might actually feel something rather than staying in a numb Zombie stupor...) or just being willing to 'hurt someone’s feelings', is a necessity, both for ourselves and also for creating the a Possibility of Healing or Transformation.

    It could be that Iif more of us were able and willing to 'flip on the asshole switch,' the world would be a better place. For example, have you ever tried to break up with someone while not hurting their feelings? Yeah, it’s impossible. So most non-assholes just end up staying in bad relationships for far longer than they should.

    Adopted from an article by Mark Manson.

  • Conscious and Unconscious Assholeness

    People talk about being an Asshole like it’s a bad thing.

     

    But your desire to do a good job, your self-trust, your willingness to dance with fear– these require being a Conscious Asshole.

     

    What does that mean?

     

    Being a Conscious Asshole means that breaking rules, going off the beaten path, Asking questions that people are trying to sweep under the carpet, creating new Teams, taking intelligent risks, subverting irrelevant gameworlds, trying new - even brash and unexpected - strategies, and facing fully into the useful or detrimental consequences without shying away, are key elements to delivering the services of your Bright Principles and your Archetypal Lineage if used properly.

     

    Unconscious Assholeness pushes you to ignore useful feedback, to be Hooked and Reactive to input, to refuse to go through the Liquid States of the evolution, Healing, Thoughtware Upgrades, Initiations, and transformations of getting better at your craft. It’s actually a sign of that Unconscious Gremlin has you by the balls.

     

    Conscious Assholeness, on the other hand, makes you eager to learn more, combine what is Possible with what is wanted and needed, and figure out what it will take to have your project actually succeed.

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  • Asshole Training, Neil Postman, StartOver.xyz, Possibility Management

    Bullshit Hero

    Extract from 'Bullshit and the Art of Crap-Detection', a speech by Neil Postman, one of the finest researchers in taking radical responsibility for Bullshit. He succeeded because he could directly face all varieties of Bullshit without flinching from its insanity. He was trained: he was born and raised in New York City. Some jewels in this transcript and in Neil Postman's many precious books include:

     

    "One man’s bullshit is another man’s catechism."

     

    "Far and away, the greatest source of bullshit with which you must contend is yourself."

     

    "Almost nothing is about what you think it is about – including you."

     

    "The advantage that comes from our knowledge of the inevitability of our own death is that we know that whatever is happening right now is going to go away. Most of us try to put this thought out of our minds, but I am saying that it ought to be kept firmly there, so that you can fully appreciate how ridiculous most of your enthusiasms and depressions are."

     

    "So you see, when it comes right down to it, crap-detection is something one does when you start to become a certain type of person." [Yes, when you start to become a 'Conscious Asshole', which is a necessary Possibilitator skill.]

  • Conscious Asshole At The Café...

  • Asshole Basics

    Excerpted from an article by Mark Manson titled, Why Being An Asshole Can Be A Valuable Life Skill, available online here:

    markmanson.net/being-an-asshole

    HOW TO BE AN ETHICAL ASSHOLE

    When we think of assholes we don’t like, we think of people who are unethical. They lie, cheat, or steal to get their way.

    Yes, these people are assholes. But they are also unethical. Let’s put this in terms of an SAT question:

    • All unethical people are unlikeable
    • All unlikeable people are assholes

    TRUE or FALSE: All assholes are unethical.

    • A: TRUE, I’m bad at logic
    • B: TRUE, fuck you Manson! Only I decide what’s true!
    • C: NEITHER, this question violates my religious beliefs
    • D: FALSE, while all unethical people are assholes, not all assholes are unethical

    The correct answer is ‘D’.

    Yes, there is such thing as an ethical asshole. And, I would argue, ethical assholes are national treasures. We need ethical assholes because they’re the only thing protecting us from the unethical assholes.

    So, assuming you’re ethical, how does one become more of an asshole? 6

    Well, as we’ve established, some people are born with it. Some people are just naturally very disagreeable. They think people are pretty shitty, in general, so they don’t care if people don’t like them.

    But for those who are agreeable, learning to be an asshole is a skill that must be practiced. The same way an introvert must practice using extraverted skills when necessary, the agreeable person must learn to be disagreeable when necessary, lest they get walked over.

    Here are a few steps to becoming more of an asshole:

     

    1. DECIDE WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN PEOPLE’S FEELINGS

    Most people let their life be dictated by feelings—both their own feelings and others’. They don’t even realize this because they haven’t stopped to think about it. But, as I’ve written before, if you allow your life to be dictated by feelings, then you’re going to be stuck in a shithole forever.

    The key to developing the willingness to upset other people is to understand what’s more important than them being upset. Would you hurt someone’s feelings to save a dying family member? Yeah, probably. What about to save your career? I would hope so (some people probably don’t). What about to promote a good cause you care about?

    Unethical assholes are assholes because they care about themselves more than others. They are narcissistic and see the world only in terms of what benefits themselves. Obviously, that’s bad. They are unethical because their cause is bad. Finding a good cause beyond one’s own interests is the first step to becoming an ethical asshole.

     

    2. GET GOOD AT FEELING BAD

    Most people who are too nice think they are nice because they care too much about other people’s feelings. They say to themselves, “Well, I could never say that to her, because she’ll feel bad.” But they’re lying to themselves. They think they’re being altruistic, but they’re not.

    They don’t want to say it to her because they’ll make themselves feel bad. Their sympathy for others is a tool that holds them back. They won’t hurt others’ feelings because then they’ll feel bad for that person and they can’t stand to feel bad themselves.

    Get good at feeling bad and you’ll become okay at making others feel bad when necessary. I just got off the phone with a friend last night. I chewed him out for doing something pretty stupid that involved me. He felt awful. I feel awful that he feels awful. But I also know that it’s a good thing that we both feel awful. It’s for a good cause. So I can bear it.

    But for me to be able to make him feel awful, I first need to be capable of feeling awful myself.

     

    3. LEAN IN TO PAINFUL HONESTY

    We’ve all been in that situation where we want to say something that’s important but there’s also a good chance that we’ll upset someone if we say it. There’s that uncomfortable tension inside us as we go back and forth on whether we should say it or not.

    Create a new rule for yourself: if there’s something uncomfortable that you believe is important to say, just say it. Don’t think about it. Just trust that in the long run, more times than not, you’ll be happy that you said it. In fact, chances are, in the long run, other people will be glad you said it.

    The first few times you’re an asshole in this way, it’ll feel terrifying. But once you get some of that positive social feedback, you’ll start feeling more comfortable with it. And it will come more naturally. You’ll be an asshole. But you’ll be their asshole.

    Because here’s the funny thing you’ll notice once you start to hone your asshole skills: other people will come up to you privately, once everyone else has left the room, or maybe corner you in a remote hallway somewhere, and, while looking over their shoulders to make sure no one else can hear, they’ll say, “Hey, thank you for saying that. My god, that really needed to be said. I’m so glad you did.”

    This will begin to happen all the time. In fact, it’s shocking how much non-assholes rely on ethical assholes to go to bat for them.

    You know, kind of like what I’m doing now, you candy-ass snowflakes. Seriously people, you’re fucking welcome. You know how many times I’ve stuck my neck out for shit you care about but are too scared to say? Christ on a cupcake. Maybe get off your asses every once in a while, eh? Now, get the fuck out of here. I have a book to write.

  • Bullshit Man

  • Experiments to Develop Your Capacity to Be a Conscious and Radically-Responsible Ethical Asshole

    What would it take for you to be you?

    To stop being adaptive?

    To ask what you want to ask and say what you want to say?

    What would it take for you to say, "No!" and, "Stop!" and, "Yes!" and, "Go!"

    with equal measures of swiftness and certainty?

    What would it take for you to Hold Space and keep your Center?

    What would it take for you to know what you want, and go for it?

    There are tough jobs to do now. Who will face into them and do them? Who will bring up the background 'shit' that everybody knows is there but nobody is talking about and put it in the center of the table to deal with it?

    You will.

    After Asshole Training.

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    STUDY 3 UNDANGEROUS PEOPLE

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.01

    The world is abundant in people who have learned to make themselves small, adaptive, unproblematic, easy—in other words, people who have learned to make themselves undangerous.

     

    For this experiment, you will choose just three of these people. Make sure they are people that you see with some regularity. This could be housemates or roommates, coworkers, the cashier at a grocery store, a barista at a coffee shop, a neighbor.

     

    Now, for the next week, whenever you interact with these people, notice what makes them undangerous:

    • What words do they use that make them undangerous?
    • How do they use their voice in a way that is undangerous?
    • Where do their eyes go when they are communicating? (Do they make eye contact? Do they look down at the ground? Does their gaze flit from place to place?)
    • How is their posture? How do they hold themselves?
    • Where is their center?
    As you go through your week noticing these things, write them down in your Beep! Book in a page called 'Traits of Undangerous People.'
     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.01 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    STUDY 3 DANGEROUS PEOPLE

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.02

    The world is not abundant in dangerous people—people who are clear, take up space, say what they want, have their Center and their Authority and their Real Voice, et cetera. The most difficult part of this experiment will be the first part: Find three dangerous people.

     

    Now, for the next week, study these people closely. Find out what makes them dangerous:

    • How do they speak?
    • How do they carry themselves?
    • Where do they place their attention?
    • What do they do when someone is speaking to them?
    As you go through your week noticing these things, write them down in your Beep! Book in a page titled 'Traits of Dangerous People.'
     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.02 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    STUDY YOUR OWN LEVEL OF DANGEROUSNESS

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.03

    Now, it is time for some Self Observation:

    • How dangerous are you? 
    • How and to whom are you adaptive? 
    • How, when, where, and why do you give your Center away? 
    • How, when, where, and why do you refrain from saying what you feel, think, believe, or stand for?
    • How do you forfeit who you are, and why do you do it? What is the purpose behind playing so small?
    Be with these questions for one week without changing anything and without allowing your Self Observation to be overtaken by despair, self-hatred, or any other Gremlin games. Just observe, and as you do, write down what you discover in your Beep! Book under a page called, "How I Compromise My Dangerousness."
     
    The observations you make here begin to give you an accurate assessment of your X on the map.
     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.03 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    CLEAN UP YOUR LANGUAGE

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.04

    After observing yourself and others for some time, you will begin to notice that one of the places where your undangerousness and un-Asshole-ness manifests is in your language. This includes filler words like "um" and "like" and empty phrases like "sorry" that blunt or obscure the clarity of communications. It also includes not giving a clear "yes" or "no" when asked for a clear "yes" or "no," giving an answer to a question other than the question that was asked, asking "Would you like to see a movie?" instead of saying "I want to go to the movies. Do you want to join?"

     

    For this experiment, choose 3 of your common words, phrases, or other speaking automatisms that limit the dangerousness of your communication, and over the next two weeks, systematically remove them from your speech.

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.04 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    STOP AGREEING WITH PEOPLE: PART I

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.05

    Agreeability is agreeable. Most people would agree with this. Most people do not have their Center, Agency, Clarity, Authority, or Power. Most people have not yet taken a Stand for the Stand that they are taking. Agreeability is a powerful Survival Strategy, because if you agree, you are not a threat, you are not a problem, you are not an not visible.

     

    During this experiment, you will spend one week not agreeing with anyone about anything. That means that when you disagree with what someone says in a conversation, you will start your sentence with, "I disagree. I think that..."

     

    You might notice that there are times when someone says something that you actually do agree with. In these cases, instead of saying, "I agree...", add something new to the conversation. Say something no one has said yet. Say the thing that no one dares to say.

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    STOP AGREEING WITH PEOPLE: PART 2

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.06

    After you have done PART I of this experiment, you might be ready to shift into PART 2.

     

    In PART 2, you continue to not agree with what anyone says, but you go a step further. You take the conversation somewhere completely new, into unknown territory, where there is no steady footing or pre-fashioned opinions. You do this by asking questions that have not been asked, by noticing what has not been noticed, by locating the place where a blind spot exists and repositioning yourself there. This type of conversational action is dangerous because it removes you (and everyone else) from the land of the familiar and known and drops you into unexplored terrain where invention and discovery are possible. Do this experiment for one week (and then for the rest of your life).

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.05 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    BECOME A DANGEROUS LISTENER

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.07

    When most people listen, their listening is filled with unconscious automatisms. They nod. They smile. They say, "Mhm." They say, "Oh, wow!" They say, "Yeah." These automatic gestures create a listening space where niceness and politeness and civility are unconsciously prioritized over being real, being present, being authentic, being with. When listening is real, present, and authentic, it is dangerous because it creates a listening space where Liquid State is possible. In this experiment, your job is to become a dangerous listener.

     

    Start by identifying 3 of your habitual, automatic listening behaviors. After you have identified 3 of these behaviors, stop doing them. Create listening spaces that are free of your neurotic automatisms and are filled only with your presence and attention. Notice how this changes the kind and quality of interactions you have.

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.06 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    LEARN TO SAY "THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE"

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.08

    Modern Culture has trained you to be adaptive. That means that when you encounter things that do not work for you, you skillfully perform complex acrobatics inside yourself to make yourself ok with them anyway.

     

    This experiment is about putting a stop to being ok with what you are not ok with.

     

    This week, go on a one hour walk. During this walk, everytime you encounter something inside or outside of yourself that is unacceptable for you or that does not work for you, so outloud with 40% anger, "This is unacceptable!" For instance:

    • "This trash on the side of the road is unacceptable."
    • "Dog owners not cleaning up their dog shit is unacceptable."
    • "Cutting down these trees to put in another parking lot is unacceptable."
    • "Laying bricks unevenly and carelessly is unacceptable."
    • "Having voices in my head that do not belong to me is unacceptable."
    • "Stray cats that no one neuters or takes care of who eat trash from around the neighborhood is unacceptable."
    • "Mothers screaming at their children is unacceptable."
    After your walk either that day or the next day, write an article about what you discovered about what is and is not acceptable for you.
     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.08 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    BECOME JACK REACHER

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.09

    Unconscious Assholes are plentiful, but it is not such an easy task finding useful examples of Conscious Assholes. Fortunately for us, we have Jack Reacher.

     

    For this experiment, you will watch the enter first season of the Jack Reacher series (the one with Alan Ritchson, not the one with Tom Cruise) with your Beep! Book in hand. For each episode, write down notes from at least 3 moments where Jack Reacher uses his anger as a Conscious Asshole to create clarity, say what is ok and not ok, say what he wants, kill and create possibility, stop blah-blah in its tracks, et cetera. Notice how he holds himself, notice the words he says and does not say, notice his tone, notice how he creates intimacy.

     

    After you have completed the show, spend one week shifting into the identity of Jack Reacher. Take on his movements, posture, attitude, and voice. Embody his intolerance for bullshit.

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.09 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 2 Matrix Points.

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    SAY "NO" WITHOUT GIVING REASONS OR EXCUSES

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.10

    Have you ever noticed that when someone wants to decline an offer, they almost never actually say the word "No"? For instance, if someone asks: "Do you want to go to the beach with me this weekend?" some typical responses might include:

    • "Well, I have to babysit my niece this weekend."
    • "Sorry, but I already have plans."
    • "This weekend does not work for me, but I could go next weekend."
    • "I would like to, but I do not go to the beaches on the weekends because there are always so many tourists."
    • "That sounds like a great offer, but I can't."
    You will notice that none of these answers actually contain the word "No" in response to this "Yes/No" question, though they are filled with plenty of reasons and excuses. What do you think the purpose of all these reasons and excuses is? What do you think the purpose is behind the absence of the word, "No"?
     
    For one week, whenever you want to decline a yes/no request, your practice is to simply say, "No." No excuses, no explanations, no reasons. Learn to stand in the clarity and strength of your "No" without having to justify it in any way or make it more palatable for the asker to hear.
     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.10 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    BE VOCAL ABOUT YOUR PREFERENCES

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.11

    To be clear, preferences (e.g., "I like this" / "I do not like this") are components of the Box. Still, if you have been so adaptive in your life that even saying your preferences out loud is challenging, then being vocal about what you prefer will be a valuable healing process.

     

    This week, start saying aloud exactly what you prefer and do not prefer, what you like and do not like, what you want and do not want. For instance, say:

    • Whether or not you want cream with your coffee and exactly how much cream you want.
    • What films you like and which you do not like.
    • How full the garbage should get before it is emptied.
    • How often it is important to change the oil in the car.
    • Medium rare when you order steak at a restaurant, and if they bring it rare or if they bring it medium, ask them to do it again.

    Stop silently conforming with whatever the loudest person says. Stop nodding in agreement when what you would rather have is something else. Stop going along to get along.

     

    After completing this experiment, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.11 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 1 Matrix Point.

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    LEARN TO EFFECTIVELY DECLARE "THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER"

    Matrix Code ASSHOLET.12

    This Experiment is to make about making Declaring into a consciously applied skill. The Declaration: "This conversation is over," is a movie quote. If you can name the film it comes from, you have earned the Matrix Point for watching the film. The film is listed with other required-watching Matrix-Building films on the Possibilitator Training Films List.

     

    Most Declaring is INTERNAL - meaning you program yourself to believe what you are saying without anyone else knowing what you are doing to yourself (such as saying to yourself, "I am worthless," or, "I am the best.") and most Declaring is also UNCONSCIOUS - meaning not even you yourself realize that you create and inhabit fictitious Storyworlds that imprison you in your Box's current Belief System, blocking you from having a direct connection with current reality where Creating happens.

     

    In short, you are Declaring many possibly damaging things all the time. How alert, conscious, and aware can you become about your Declaring?

     

    In this Asshole Training Experiment, your challenge is: once every day for a week, more often than may actually be necessary, end a Space by telling all the other people in the Space, "This conversation is over," while you simultaneously vanish the Space with your Clicker and exit the Space with your 5 Bodies.

     

    Keep in mind that the only Space you can successfully vanish is a Space which you are consciously Holding. If someone else is Holding the Space, you can only leave.

     

    Declaring, "This conversation is over," is extremely helpful for ending a potential Gremlin Feed Frenzy: not accepting the invitation to let your Gremlin feed, especially when Child, Parent, Gremlin, or Demon is Contaminating someone's (or your...) Adult Ego State, a condition which occurs far more often than you may previously have been aware.

     

    If the Space does not end when you say, "This conversation is over," - either because you keep it going or 'they' keep it going - then you did not effectively Declare that the conversation is over. Instead you made a Proposal that it could end, rather than a Declaration that it is already ended. With a Proposal, the conversation only ends if everyone accepts your Proposal. This Experiment is about being a Conscious Asshole and taking Radical Responsibility for Terminating the Space without first asking for everyone else's consent. Do you think you can do that? Prove it!

     

    After seven days in a row of at least once per day Declaring out loud in the presence of others, "This conversation is over," and ending the Space, please register Matrix Code ASSHOLET.12 in your free account at StartOver.xyz.

     

    This Experiment is worth 2 Matrix Points.

  • NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play massively-multiplayer online-and-offline thoughtware-upgrade matrix-building personal-transformation real-life adventure-game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can relocate your point of origin and create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness and leave behind a low drama life of reactivity. No one can upgrade your thoughtware for you. More interestingly, no one can stop you from upgrading your thoughtware. Our theory is that when we collectively build 1,000,000 new Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code ASSHOLET.00 to log your Matrix Point for reading this website on StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!

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